


Learn to hear, captain.

by vieirabar



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Ereri Secret Santa 2017, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-24 09:50:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13211232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vieirabar/pseuds/vieirabar
Summary: In order to heal from battle injuries, the captain had to learn to be quiet, and when the person assigned to take care of him was the only soldier with a minimal knowledge about medicine, the captain started to hear a voice that he already knew, but never had the chance to truly hear. By keeping it quiet, Levi discovered more about the things that made them alike, and found out that they were greater than what made them different.In the end, keeping the mouth shut wasn’t that bad.





	Learn to hear, captain.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everyone! This is me, again, after a long time!  
> This is my gift for rhapsodiaa (http://rhapsodiaa.tumblr.com/) for Ereri Secret Santa 2017!  
> (: I had lots of fun writing this and imagining the scene in my head, and I truly hope you like it!  
> All the best, ALWAYS!  
> B.

Suddenly, when I came to my senses, I was surrounded by bodies. Not that this was strange to me in any way: I grew up surrounded by dead people. Since I was little, even before joining the scouts, I’ve already got used to seeing dead people thrown away in the alleys of the capital inside Wall Sina – homeless, thieves, unknown people, my friends. They all ended up there someday. But nothing compared to what I saw that moment. Death, by my side, I had my comrades, my brothers in arms that fought with me to reach a better position and survived until today with the absolute sure that we could see the victory of humanity together, the victory we so hard sought together.

My comrades… Inside of me, all my muscles shouted in my head to get their DMT, recharge with their blades and gas and run around on a titan killing spree, until I fell, dead tired and knowing that I had avenged the important people they took from me. But I knew that reality was not that simple… I had to go through this new hell, survive and join Erwin once more in our fight for the human’s right place in this Earth.

I closed the eyes of each one of them and laid their bodies in a dignified way under the leaves of the giant trees. I hoped they could find there the peace of their last sleep. I said a prayer in a low voice, something I heard from an old woman down in the underground city, and asked for their lives had not been in vain. And I promised to this mysterious superior force that heard my words that, when all of that was over, I would finally join them in their rest and give myself some peace as well.

When I stood up, I arranged my maneuver gear with their supplies asking my death comrades for permission before getting them. I shot my hooks at a near tree and flew through the trees, far from the improvised graves I made to those who, a few minutes ago, were the ones flying with me and, even in the despair of the mission, making jokes about the life to make the fear go away and all of us feel a little more human.

I reached the scout’s first squad in fast minutes. From the ten soldiers assigned to that division, only five of them survived, and one was severely injured with a bandage around her torso, bleeding profusely. Two soldiers held the wounded woman and making careful flight maneuvers to not waste gas. I quickly checked them, hiding the other’s death to not scare them and kept my way. I had the mission to reach the formation’s vanguard and meet Erwin, Hange and the kids from the 104th squad, that would join us to go back to the HQ. And, even more important than all of that, I had to find Eren and protect him. My heart kept racing in a mix of fear and anxiety for getting there already and it seemed the only things compelling me to keep moving.

The cold wind from the forest kept shaking my hair and making me pay more attention to my flight so I wouldn’t lose my course, bringing that distressful feeling, and also the freedom – I was free from the ground, it was only me, the threes, the power to fly as a bird. I closed my eyes and allowing myself in my instincts and in that momentary relieve, visualizing in my mind the faces of the ones who have fallen all these years and hoping to be with them soon.

My eyes were watery because of the wind and that was the only tear I shed for them.

 

I saw the main squad standing on the trees. They were surrounded by small titans, and they were all apprehensive. I was just a few meters away from them, trying to move quietly through the threes and as fast as I could, without calling attention to myself too. And, in just a fraction of a second, my whole world turned around. Literally.

I felt this bump and, suddenly, a weight was relieved from my back – my equipment was taken from me. I was on a free fall, whirling around leaves, titan grunts and the sound of the gas escaping from the cylinders. My DMT was crushed. _Great_. I tried to remain calm. Someone must have seen me approaching and they would do something to help me. I still had some blades in my hands and I would fight with all my forces until I had nothing left. I also had the belts tied to my waist, and they could help me hold any surface and prevent me to fall. I unlocked it, gather the all the force in my arm and threw it away, hoping that the hooks attached to the tip of the belts could hang somewhere.

But all they reached was… nothing. And instead of the hard ground under me, what trimmed my fall was a pair of warm giant hands.

Its fingers started to close themselves around me, squeezing me until there was no air left in my lungs; when I finally decided to shout for help, not a single sound escaped my mouth except for the blow of air leaving my body. One of my hands was tied between the fingers of the titan that, weirdly, decided to play me before eating me, while, with the other, I tried desperately to cut it’s fingers off to release me. I wouldn’t take death like that, and perhaps I had to face that accepting it is way easier in the theory than in reality. I just didn’t want to die like that.

When I finally started to hear voices somewhere around me, there was almost no conscience left for me. The lack of oxygen started to numb my senses and my mind, and my sight was filled with massive black, coming in slow waves, trying to catch my whole sight. I heard the sound of the harpoons being thrown and fixed at the threes as the commanders screamed orders for the soldiers to try to rescue me. The next sound I heard was most terrified, though. Somewhere in my body, I could feel and hear my bones cracking. The pain hit me softly before vanish in that choking agony.

And, then, the relief came. It was like God’s hand have taken me from the titan’s. A hand so equally hot, but also comfortable… maybe that _was_ death indeed, greeting me with cozy arms. My vision, already cloudy, made one last effort and my eyes opened again, trying to see the death’s face but all I could se was a pair of giant green eyes looking directly at me…

And I wondered why death’s eyes were so familiar to me.

 

* * *

 

 

I woke up abruptly. All my body ached as if a cart had run over me. I tried to move myself, lifting my body on the bed, but it also hurt more than I expected. My sight began to get darker and I rested the head back in the pillow, trying to calm myself. First of all, I was alive, and that was great. But I couldn’t remember much about happened. My mind kept sending me fragments of memories but I still couldn’t gather them to make something coherent. All I could think was that I never ended up in a bed, and that first time was feeling like hell.

— Captain? Are you awake, sir?

Came a voice from nowhere I could see. I tried to nod, but my neck felt like rock and it had to close my eyes and clenched my jaws no keep quiet and just blinked a couple of times.

— Can you understand me, captain Levi? — That known voice said again.

I felt my hand being left over a hard surface and only then I noticed that someone _was_ holding my fingers since the beginning. I blinked again and I saw Eren’s face coming to my sight and he looked worried and tired, those marks from the transformation bellow his eyes announcing that it hasn’t been too long since he turned into human again. He measured my temperature by touching my forehead with the back of his hand and smirked at me.

— I’m glad you’re awake, captain. For a moment, I though the injuries were more serious than we tough.

I blinked again. Why was he taking care of me? We had a doctor and a small team in every mission to deal with that kind of situation and, in some way, it bothered me that there was no one taking care of _him_. I opened my mouth again, but his hand shut me up. I felt my eyes getting wider, but he didn’t stop until my lips were together again. I took a deep breath before closing my eyes once more and I hear his voice again.

— I’m sorry, sir. It will be better if you don’t say anything. You’ve been too… — he made a long pause. I tried to look at him again, just to discover that Eren went back to where he was before I could see him. — Well, sir, you were squeezed by the titan. It was an abnormal and looked like he wanted to… he wanted to play with the food. You broke some ribs and had your organs compressed quite a bit. It’s just amazing that you’re alive.

I rolled my eyes.

— Sir, don’t do this — Jaeger scolded me. — We have to be grateful for the casualties being less than expected, according to commander Erwin.

And then I remembered my old comrades, soldiers who died like Isabel, Farlan, Petra, Gunther… they all died. I furrowed by brows. More than the physical pain, remembering this made me feel even more miserable than I already felt for all that situation. Worse than that, I felt a shitty captain for allowing me to forget about them, thinking only about my own pain when I woke up. There’s a reason to everything, and maybe all those injuries were a form of punishing me for letting go of their memories when I woke up.

— I’m taking care of some of your wounds since my father was a doctor and he taught me some things before… before leaving. The other doctors are taking care of the soldiers with severe injuries. — He appeared in front of my eyes once again. — Not that you’re not important, sir — his cheeks blushed, giving me a weird will to laugh. — You are. It’s just that I can deal with you now.

The laughing desired turned into my eyebrows lifting up, curious. All I wanted was to say anything, but my vocal chords felt like dissolving with the minimum effort. I tried to clear my throat, showing Eren that, somehow, he _was_ being weird and needed to stop talking non-sense. Somehow, although, he seems to read my mind and started again, the voice a little low and difficult to hear.

— I’m sorry for this, sir. I’m nervous for being here alone with you for the first time. — He cleared his throat also before continuing. I felt something cold in my hand and twitched my fingers slightly. Jaeger stopped once more and held my hand between his, compressing it. — I’m sorry. I’ll be quiet.

The silence fell upon our heads while he kept cleaning whatever I had in my hand and, for a minute, I allowed myself to forget about it. With my eyes close, I remembered the faces of the dead and made another prayer for them. I prayed for them and for me, mostly because I needed to find help for I received death with open arms when I thought I was dying. Life isn’t supposed to be like this: you wait for it to end more that you wait for it to be good. I sighed, my shoulders aching in protest.

Well, I’m sorry, shoulders.

The warmth of Eren’s hands touched my forehead once again and he slipped his fingers towards the center of my hair, taking the strands from my eyes and clearing the area. A hot and wet towel met my skin and I was the most comfortable feeling in the world. When I turned my sight to the brat again, he was leaning toward me, so close that I could see his facial features clearly despite the haze in my vision and he had small smoke fillets coming from the skin under his big green eyes.

— I’m okay — he said, capturing the worry in my eyes. — This is normal. I turned into titan to rescue you, sir — I froze. **_He what?_** —And when I do it, I get attached to that thing’s skin — Eren sat on the edge of my bed, slipping the towel in my head and measuring my temperature again. — Whenever I turn back, I have this on my eyes and arms.

I nodded again. It was actually interesting to hear Eren speak for a change.

— It usually goes after a few hours, see — he stretched his arms to me. — It’s already gone here. The eyes take a little more because the skin gets more attached here.

 _I see_ , I thought. I wanted to join him in that conversation, but my mouth and throat still felt like hell and I’ve already given up trying to talk. Instead, since I would have to be there I would make it less painful. As Eren helped me setting my back at the pillow, he leaned towards me again and started cleaning the sweat in my neck and chest. The hand he wrapped in a bandage was already better and I could feel the blood through my fingers, making them tingle. I shook my hand to make it better and Eren’s fingers met mine, holding them in a weird, yet good, massage.

— This will make your hand feel better — he said. — I hope everything I did make _you_ feel better, captain. I don’t want to make it stranger than it’s already, but I’m enjoying being here. Since you can’t talk back, I’m feeling a little more comfortable.

My eyebrows rose automatically and Eren blushed again.

— I’m embarrassed of speaking nonsense around you, captain. I’ve always admired you and now you are my superior… this is a bunch of dreams becoming true. I try to not disappoint you.

 _You haven’t disappointed me, brat_.

— And there’s also lots of things that I wanted to talk to you about, but I fear you will be too hard on me and I’ll end up ruining this relationship we’re… building, I guess. — Eren sounded more grown up than he truly was and it showed me a new side of him. When I turned my eyes on him, he smirked at me and continued. — I’ve always imagined that we could be comrades here in the scouts. Yes, I know we’re different and you are my superior, but I don’t know…

He stopped. His eyes were firm on mine and his hand still massaging mine.

— I won’t lie, sir. I’m afraid. I’m constantly afraid of going out on a battle, I’m afraid of killing any of you with my powers. I’m afraid I can correspond to all the expectation you all put over my shoulders. — His voice was miserable, but sincere, and I started feeling bad for him but, more than this, I could identify myself in his words. We were more alike than I thought and, inside my mind, it projected myself… closer to him. — I just wanted to make some difference in the world, you know? Yes, I wanted to end up all the titans, avenge my mom, take the walls down. — And then Eren shrugged, looking exhausted. In that moment, I wished I could squeeze his hands back, trying to give him some comfort. — Sometimes I just wanted to be normal. A normal soldier, fight, have someone to call my partner, die, these things

I nodded, without even knowing why I was agreeing with him. I never had such a conversation like that before with the Survey Corps soldiers and Eren just came here and started to talk. More than once, I thanked the superior forces for have taken my voice away for I would probably pouring my heart down with Jaeger. A deep sigh came from the inside of my chest and I let my head lean down. My eyes met the ceiling and Eren started squeezing my injured hand in that nice manner. But instead of letting me go, the boy kept his fingers between mine and waited until I look at him again. And when I did, he smiled brightly, compressing his big eyes into delicate thin lines.

— What I want to say is that I respect you and I admire you. — His hands still holding mine and a weird heartbeat bumping on my chest. — And I’m not the kid people think I am. I may not be a grown man yet, but I know the things I aim to achieve.

 _I guess we all know that, Jaeger._ _But keep going._ Instead, Eren took long minutes in silence, looking at me.

— Have you ever been in love? — Eren asked from out of nowhere and, instinctively, I denied. — I have… and it’s a weird feeling, captain. It’s even weirder when the other person is not aware of that.

_Where are you trying to go with this?_

— It may seem coming from no place at all, but I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. — He took a deep breath. — Am I being weird?

I nodded, trying to give him a more… comfortable look with my eyes so he wouldn’t be embarrassed.

— I’m sorry.

He remained in silence, the only sound coming from the creak of the chair. I squeezed the hand he was using to make my blood flow again through my fingers and he understood me right away, stopping moving himself. I tried to say anything again, curious about this so called loved person he had, but the guttural sound that came from my depths was the most terrifying thing we both have ever heard. Scared, Jaeger looked at me and, when I gave him my best “I’m sorry” look, he started laughing in a crystal way that could have lightened the place. When I came to my senses, I was smiling too, trying to understand how did we got to that point. It was when it happened.

Eren stopped laughing and sat again on my mattress, finally let go of my hands just to meet my face with his and I could see him coming closer and closer. All I wanted was to have some voice left to say something although I had no idea about what to say. And he kept coming and coming, until…

— Jaeger — a voice came from outside the door came before entering.

Just as quick as he came to me, he stood up, on guard, looking directly at the door.

— Yes, commander — he shouted as soon as Erwin entered.

— You are dismissed, soldier — the commander said, looking quickly at me to find me in the most terrified position ever. — Is everything okay?

I nodded.

— Good. Thank you for your services, Eren. You can go now.

Jaeger saluted Erwin and, after a long pause, he turned to me, shrunken shoulders and the shyest expression.

— I hope you’ll get better soon, captain. With your excuse…

The last thing I saw before Erwin approach and start talking nonstop was Eren’s smile at the door. I couldn’t help but smile as well.

 

* * *

 

 

Five days after arriving the HQ, I was almost completely fine already. I still had to go easy with the training and physical exercises because bones take more time than organs to heal, but at least I could walk and, better than this, I could talk again. After being completely muted and talking like an old man who smoked from an entire life, I was myself again. And there were things that needed to be put in place.

— Can we talk a little, Jaeger? — _Starting with him_.

Eren’s eyes rose from the book he held on his hand before looking at me. He closed the volume and nodded at me. I closed the door behind me and sat on the bed before him, taking an extra care to not making an exaggerated movement; my torso would still hurt if I did things without thinking carefully – a lovely reminder of the age that never stopped coming and now seemed even more closer than before.

— Yes, sir.

— Good.

— Are you feeling better?

— I am, thank you. — I answered, showing him the hand he had taken care of. — There’s no scar here. Erwin told me I had large cut in here. You were taking care of this that day, right?

But Eren didn’t say anything. He just moved his head up and down a few times.

— You never came back — I heard myself saying. The blood was rushing quickly to my face and I could feel my cheeks turning red. — The other doctors did all the rest.

— There was no need of me there, sir. But I’m truly happy that you are feeling better and I took the right care of you.

— Are _you_ okay, Jaeger?

— I am, sir. — He sounded sober, more serious.

— Don’t lie to me, brat.

— I’m not lying, sir.

— Then why am I not believing in you?

— You’re quite talkative today, captain — he said, finally, changing the subject. There was challenge on his voice.

— Don’t be insolent. I just asked you a question. — I sighed, feeling suddenly tired. — I guess we do not have anything to talk, then. I see you back on training, Jaeger.

And as I reached the knob, turning it to leave again, Eren’s voice brought me back.

— I’m embarrassed, captain. I said things without thinking twice. I’m sorry.

— You didn’t say anything — I answered, still looking at my fingers in the metal piece. — Thank you for taking good care of me.

— It was a pleasure, captain.

— For me too.

And the known silence fell again upon our heads. Half of me fought the other half that kept screaming in my head that I should go back and tell the brat that I spent the last five days thinking about what he said and the way he looked at me while holding my face between his hands, getting closer, closer… and after a couple of minutes of thinking about every consequence that my acts could have after what I wanted to do, I turned my body back and walked towards Jaeger.

As I stood in front of him, his eyes crawled me, finally resting in mine. A single sweat drop ran his forehead and the brat swallow dry when I moved my head indicating that he should stand up. I offered my hand, in sign of peace between whatever war we had started with that conversation and waited for him to take it.

After a few seconds, Jaeger finally wrapped his fingers around mine and stood in front of me, so closer I could feel his breathing against my face, bringing a pleasant fresh smell of a just taken shower and some sweat caused by the high temperature. I didn’t know what to call that, but I only knew that it just made me want even more to do unthought things that would probably end up in regrets later, but all my will compelled me to do it.

I counted to three…

— You shouldn’t let things done in half, Jaeger.

— I’m sorry, captain, I don’t understand… — he gasped nervously, the eyes going from mine own and somewhere down my face.

And then I pulled him a little closer.

— You do — and finally my lips met his, shutting us both at once.

Eren finally smiled. His eyes were deep down on mine before throwing his arms around my neck and holding me closer.

That afternoon I swore to God that I didn’t care about having my voice back if I could always be shut like that.

 


End file.
